Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
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