3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Randomize
