I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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