First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
