im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
