When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
