this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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