Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
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