Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
