She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
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