Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Randomize
