I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just hit your bf in the face with a mustard bottle and the guy at the table next to us bowed down to me.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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