just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
