We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
