we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
