and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
