Kiss
Puke
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
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