I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
