I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
Randomize
