My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
