Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
