remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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