we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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