At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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