Three words: puerto rican gang bang
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
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