It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
