I can text with my tongue
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Randomize
