Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
