If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'm at about main and main street
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
