I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
