just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Randomize
