I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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