this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Randomize
