So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
