why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
just cuz theres a goalie doesnt mean i cant commandeer the goal and become a way better goalie
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Randomize
