i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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