Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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