Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
