Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
