Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
