So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
we're making bets on your personal life
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
