Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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