Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
