Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
