im so drunk with asians
where?
always
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
