Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
