He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
