Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
