I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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