i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
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