Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Can we just talk about how the only thing I have on my camera from this weekend is a video of you putting your whole fist in your mouth hahahha
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
