Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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