Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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