I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
