I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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