Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
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